Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
