they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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