That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
