Screwed.edu
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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