My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
