Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
