Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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