oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
