i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
