you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
