We named our party play list daddy issues
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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