I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
