Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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