There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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