Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
