I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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