I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
