And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
