Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
