i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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