dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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