it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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