I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
