do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I enjoy the company of your penis
jump out the window naked night went bad
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