An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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