ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize