My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have already put on my inside pants.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
