I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
