You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
