my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
