I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
