my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just blew my weed a kiss
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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