JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
