wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
did i just pee glitter
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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