I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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