I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
