One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
