Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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