i jhust puked up my retainher.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
