Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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