Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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