I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
