Already got asked if we're dating
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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