I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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