3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
