After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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