My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
