Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize