party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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