I'm pants shitting drunk right now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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