You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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