Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
