We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
