I want to stick my p in your. b.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
