If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize