somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
