Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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