Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
