Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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